“I saw that you were perfect so I loved you.
Then I saw that you were not really perfect and so I loved you more”
I was at the height of numbing myself with wine in this most recent relationship that was in full-catastrophe crash-burn mode. I was trying to drown out the chatter in my head. Chatter being reinforced by my then-partner that everything was all my fault because I was so un-perfect. He was perfect (in his view), and was ‘helpfully’ pointing out how most un-perfect I was.
From these ashes I arose and embraced sobriety. Now that I am sober I can spend time — once wasted on wine time — getting out of my own way and accepting that no, I’m not perfect. Instead I am perfectly un-perfect.
I now believe the right person for me, the right relationship — is one in which the other loves and accepts their own un-perfectness and loves and accepts me for my perfect un-perfectness.
We’re ALL a beautiful combination of perfect un-perfectness.
P.S. The artwork featured in the banner image is by an all-time favorite California artist of mine, Jessie Arms Botke. Her most prolific work was in 1920-1930s, and often featured birds, particularly white peacocks, geese and cockatoos. My sweet mother was volunteering at an animal rescue thrift shop in the late 70s. She saw this framed print of the Cockatoos in an Avocado Tree, and set it aside for me – knowing I’d love it. I have carried it with me through my life. Wherever I am, once I hang it up I am home. It reminds me of my California roots, and also, now, of my late mother.