Niggles

Day 400.

My thoughts of no wine ever again niggle at my sober brain.

Niggle

To cause slight but persistent annoyance, discomfort, or anxiety.
(chiefly British. : a trifling doubt, objection, or complaint.)

A month into Year Two. So very different now – as those before me said it would be. It seems the reality is hitting home: I am talking about sobriety for good – not just for 365 days.

And the thing I notice most at this juncture are the niggling thoughts I have. Anxious about getting more social in the months ahead; and having to join groups of people who drink socially.

Niggling thoughts of discomfort as my brain reminds me that I plan to never ever again buy a bottle of wine for myself. Thoughts niggle and annoy me with the idea that maybe I could be a ‘moderate drinker’.

Now that I’m moving closer to where I work, I’ll be able to join work’s social events – and also have people over for dinner. And niggling away is the little wine witch reminding me that I won’t have an alcoholic beverage in hand – but everyone else will! Sad! Poor me!

But it is just niggles. That funny word crossed my mind, and I had to use it. And it sounds even funnier the more I write it.

I listen to the little gremlins of thoughts niggling at my sober brain.

And let their batteries wear out and become silent.

 

 

*Source: Merriam Webster dictionary

7 thoughts on “Niggles

  1. Keep going my lovely you are awesome and doing fantastically. I so enjoy reading your posts. My niggling voice/brain is getting higher with each day as it is my 1 year soberversary on Friday and I seem to be thinking of wine as much as I did the 1st few weeks of stopping. But I will not go back to the person I was. I am enjoying the person I am becoming. Shame, guilt depression and anxiety do not suit me. You are not alone on this and some of us have got your back. So take a deep breath and keep moving on and slowly and surely these thoughts will fade away as they have done before. We can do this. Take care xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. what a lovely comment… thank you!! and also how exciting that your soberversary is right around the corner. I am so happy that there are so many out there in the blogosphere, such as yourself, who are ready to have each other’s backs as we go through this journey. it is the right thing to do, this sobriety… and the gifts are many as you say! i take the less-anxious version of me for granted sometimes.. thanks for reminding me!!!

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  2. You are more than welcome. Sobriety can be hard, the thoughts and voices harder, but it is remembering that they are only thoughts they are not real and we can kick their arse by not paying them the attention they think they deserve. My mind deserves me being AF. I have always been told Sarah your not normal even though that is what I thought I always wanted to be. Someones version of normal. NOW I love the fact I am me and not in someones ” Normal equation” (whatever that may be). I am awesome because I am ME and I am different. ( It feels a bit rebellious and naughty being AF and not normal LOL but its a lot of fun) You take care and I will look forward to your next post as always xxxxx

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  3. Totally off topic: Does anyone have something to offer on the topic of when the alcoholic recovers but a family member dives head first into their own addiction. The family member’s addiction increases during the alcoholic’s addiction but doesn’t subside after their recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Belle has a lot to say about the difficulty the inner addict has with “never again.” (I personally find huge freedom in that thought, but it sounds to me like more/most people struggle with it.) Her own strategy is to tell Wolfie/addict that she’ll drink when she retires, in 22 years. But not now, because she has too many things to do. I think that that sort of messaging can be really helpful in getting the hell away from day 1s and this inner addict. Thanks for writing about niggles. I have them too in my own way. It’s so nice to get little reminders in the blogosphere that they’re normal and harmless…

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    1. i love the thinking … of ‘later down the road’ we’ll revisit a drink. perhaps i’ll go with that rather than ‘never again’.. thank you! glad you relate to niggles.. 🙂 … the word makes me giggle – it is very B
      ritish – and Irish too … and it rhythms with giggle

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