Drinkin’ buddies

Day 372.

My dear friend and I lived our wild days in the era of Stayin’ Alive disco.

I don’t want to say I’m old… so I’ll let YOU say I’m old LOL.

We’ve known each other over FORTY YEARS …  through college, through our get-through-college jobs, through all manner of boyfriends, and drinking shenanigans – into our so-called adult lives. We’ve now arrived in one piece at our Third Age.

I love “the bones” of her, as they say in Ireland – she is the kind of friend that time and distance matter not. We pick up wherever we left off when we infrequently meet. We have the secret language you have with dear friends where a single line, a well-placed word – or silly face – can have you rolling on the floor while those around you are oblivious.

I’m currently visiting my family, and she and her husband stopped by for a quick visit. We were talking about various mundane and social stuff, and one of the things I mentioned to her is that I have stopped drinking. She said she will always want her wine. I felt like I had just been shot from a cannon backwards into the stratosphere. For some reason it just hit me so hard that I won’t ever have a boozy night with her again. I felt such regret, loss of youth, loss of my wine!

My friend managed to get through all those years without an addiction problem. She’s a one, maybe two, glass of wine kind of gal now. Me, however, well I didn’t get away lightly. It’s much more significant that I am no longer drinking. A much bigger ‘thing’ to accomplish and stick to.

I have bottles of California wine in my luggage waiting to take back to a friend. I could have screwed the cap off those babies and secretly chugged away up here in my room….

But I didn’t …

Feelings of panic and deep sadness, all of the feelings I’ve mentioned in this post, they’ve flown through me and out again.

And I circle back to sitting here quietly on my bed in one sober piece.

6 thoughts on “Drinkin’ buddies

  1. This makes me sad. I have those friends too and I miss the drinking. It’s those periods of grief that are the worst, I think. The grief is real. 😢

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  2. Grief hurts. In repeating waves. As a master resister of my emotions, grief is one of the hardest to accept and let flow through me. It seems like every type of feeling, and every individual feeling, makes me have to learn how to let go all over again. Grief is one of the hardest, but the freedom it leaves in its wake when I just let myself feel it (and as many repeating waves as there are) is correspondingly awesome. Thanks for writing this post….

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    1. Thank you…. grief, not what I expected, for sure. Funny how things come to the surface with blogs… I am so glad I started one as part of my sober journey. thank YOU for reading.

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  3. There is a lot of grief that comes with sobriety. Some is what we think will change. Some is what actually does.
    People who don’t have the compulsion to drink only see the good side. But once you know that inner struggle you can’t not know it. And not drinking becomes an act of self love.

    Hugs.
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

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