If I turn around fast enough, I’ll see them

Day 317.

Very interesting sensation. I catch myself having fleeting feelings of being very casual and comfortable with the idea of never drinking again. It’s elusive – and evaporates quickly. (Forever is a long, long time!) It’s like walking through the woods and knowing you are being watched by woodland creatures – the fairies – but you can’t catch a glimpse of them.

I love the feeling of not caring about not drinking again. I want to feel it all the time. Not as something elusive and overridden by sorrow at the thought of never drinking again.

As I walk through the forest, and have that wonderful sensation about not drinking ever again, perhaps, if I turn around fast enough, I’ll spot the fairy that represents this lovely feeling… And it will stay with me.

I like to think of these little fairies keeping the Wine Witch away … never to visit me again…

5 thoughts on “If I turn around fast enough, I’ll see them

  1. Oh the sorrow, yes the sorrow. There is tremendous grief involved with ending the relationship. I feel the sorrow and the grief but not very strong right now, it waxes and wanes. I too am thankfully enjoying the freedom right now. Love the blog, keep it coming, and congrats on #DAY317! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  2. One of the dynamics in the sober world that fascinates me the most is how some people are one-day-at-a-timers because they can’t bear the thought of a whole future of not drinking, while other people are never-againers because they feel great freedom in just cutting everything off — boom. I’m the latter and so I can’t completely get my head into the distress over the thought of never again (which isn’t to say I don’t miss drinking), but, I think it’s safe to say that your feeling of not caring will quietly grow as you keep on dehydrating the wolf (in Belle’s terms). How wonderful that you’re starting to be visited by this sensation!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. interesting take! i can say i miss drinking, but don’t feel an overwhelming sense of OMG!!!!!!! … so hopefully it will all just relax into the sensation being all the time! thanks


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