Thinkin’ not drinkin’

Day 292.

“I’ve got this drinkin’ thing
To keep from thinkin’ things” 
Gary Stewart

I’ve learned that when you’re not drinkin’, you can’t hide from your thinkin’!!!!!

This last month or so it’s really what has struck me. How much I have to sit with my feelings and thoughts. Ack! How terribly uncomfortable that can be!  I want to run away. Eeeeeewh. Feelings! Thoughts! Yuck.

I’ve been looking into Mindfulness (what is it?) and Meditation, which is based on sitting with your thoughts. Without judgement of what you’ve conjured up in your mind. Without hysteria. Without the sweats. The anxiety – all that stuff. Observing as they pass through.

Being stone cold sober now, I have tried this approach. And boy do I have a lot of crazy thoughts and feelings! But without the accompanying anxiety I felt when I was self-medicating. I don’t get that sick-to-my-stomach anxiety – worrying myself sick that the worst will happen. And I no longer go around and around mentally churning my worries into a froth. It’s so much easier to calm myself down. Such a comfort to be this way. Or at least manage this circus in my mind better.

To sit and observe thoughts – and realize that they are not the end of the world. Let them pass on through. That is big!

And that alone has been worth the price of admission to the I-Don’t-Drink club.

P.S.

I have freely admitted in previous posts that I just love the real country artists – with a big ‘ol soft spot for the rebels and outlaws. Gary Stewart was a massive talent, a country musician and songwriter known for his distinctive vibrato voice and his Southern rock influenced, outlaw country sound. His biggest hits were around the mid- to late-1970s; “She’s Actin’ Single (I’m Drinkin’ Doubles)” and “Drinkin’ Thing” (video below). Sadly, Gary was a deeply tortured soul and his own drinking and drugs dragged him down like a horrible anchor – right down to the bottom of the world, losing his chance at real success. Suffering from ill health at the end, he could not go on when his beloved wife died – and Gary committed suicide in 2003 at the age of 59.

 

 

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