Self-abandonment issues

Day 255.

A friend of mine is an accomplished and successful writer, author, and also an expert on the topic of Love Addiction.

Ethlie Ann Vare writes about self-abandonment on her blog – as it relates to love relationships. Her post resonated right off the page – directly into my heart.  I’m going to be very honest with you here; I am guilty of self-abandonment. I believe that I’ve almost always abandoned ME in chasing an US. Oh how I spent years “ditching me in favor of him”. And it always, always ended in (my) tears.

An excerpt from her post:

I abandoned myself all the time. I always ditched me in favor of Him… whoever He was at the time. I stood me up. Hell, I would have ghosted me if I weren’t so easy for me to find….. 

Plans with a girlfriend were immediately tossed out the window if I got a booty call (I labeled it “a last-minute date.”) from a guy. … I made my plans, my schedule, my free time all second best to his. I treated myself like you’d treat an annoying kid sister. … I listened to his music and read his books, abandoning my taste. … I moved in with him, abandoning my support network. … Being who he wanted me to be was always more important than being who I actually was.

I’ve become aware of my issue with self-abandonment in relationships. Through much introspection, and also counselling, I have faced it head on. Going forward, I have promised myself that my relationships will be different. They will be healthy, because I will practice self-love first and foremost.

Self-abandonment also relates to alcohol

Substituting the word ‘him’ for ‘the bottle’, I also abandoned myself and my life whenever I turned myself over to the bottle. Self-medicating means you choose ‘the bottle’ over yourself. You numb yourself with ‘the bottle’ to forget yourself. You will do anything to be with ‘the bottle’. You stop loving yourself because you choose ‘the bottle’ over health. You choose avoidance by using the ‘the bottle’ rather than facing and confronting what’s really the problem – usually right in front of you.

No more. Going forward I have promised myself my relationship with booze will be different. I will say no to alcohol, and instead choose self-love.


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