How’s this for judgemental?

Day 171.

Just had to share this story with you fellow funny, fizzy and terrific soberistas!

I feel ready to date again. So I have re-entered the world of online dating websites.

Today I had an exchange with someone that just blew me away in their judgemental and highly stereotyped message.

We had exchanged a few nice chit-chats. I had decided in my mind that yes, I’d be up for meeting this guy for a cup of coffee.  That’s what the experts always advise. A cup of coffee during the day, to see if there’s that illusive ‘thing’, and then make a second date for a drink or such.

So he suggested that we meet up for a drink. I thought to myself I don’t want to meet for a drink, as that is night time in a pub somewhere with someone I’ve never met. Not once did I think, wait I don’t drink, can’t possibly meet someone for a drink, because it would have to be an alcoholic beverage!  I just thought no, not interested until we pass the ‘in person’ meeting over a coffee.

So I wrote that I thought meeting was a great idea and a coffee date would be great.

Here’s the reply I got

Sorry I don’t do “coffee dates” as find they have the same sort of vibe as job interviews. Also, from past experience don’t date those who don’t drink. It’s normally a red flag for someone with other issues, such a lack of self-discipline/control. You may not agree. Your prerogative. Have found it a pretty good barometer though..

Consider my mind blown!  This person has assumed not only that I don’t drink because of suggesting a coffee date;  but also people who don’t drink choose that because they lack self-discipline/control!


Pretty crazy stereotype.

16 thoughts on “How’s this for judgemental?

  1. You should thank him for helping you dodge a bullet yourself!🙄 I think this sort of stuff is the reason people caution against dating in early sobriety. You might be ready to date in terms of your desire for a relationship, but is your sobriety ready to date? Just an ever so gentle suggestion to wait a bit longer… ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh bumpy! Totally agree with Without wine and sobernevertheless. There’s some issues going on there if he squares off a percentage of the female population who don’t drink or don’t want to on a first date. Drinking holds some importance for him. Honestly, I feel sorry for someone who can’t have a chat over a coffee because they’ve come to rely on booze as their buffer. You have dodged a big bullet right there. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Actually, ok, I prepared a response to what I would say to him lol.

    Dear Mr Judgy,
    I’m actually doing a year long detox from toxic people and substances so it’s probably a good thing you sent this message before we met up. From my past experience, I don’t date people who always have to hide behind booze as a buffer. It’s normally a red flag for someone who isn’t comfortable in their own skin and lacks authenticity. You may not agree. Your prerogative. I’m pretty sure your barometer wouldn’t stack up with the likes of Elton John, Bradley Cooper, Samuel L. Jackson – to name a few celebs who don’t drink. Sorry what is it you do for a living again? You sound quite invested in this ‘barometer’ of yours, but from my experience a lack of self-discipline/control is more prevalent in someone who has to drink in order to make it through a date. Thanks for helping me dodge a bullet!

    Liked by 1 person

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