One choice at a time

Day 118.

Oh boy.

I’ve really felt my most angsty in a long while. I’ve wanted nothing more than many glasses of wine these last couple of days. I just want to feel deep relief from that first sip. I want to dull the thought monster.

Sod this… forget it! Who cares. Throw away the almost four months. WHO CARES?? Who cares about health! Who cares about calories! Who cares about hips and thighs. Who cares about rising anxiety levels that come with drinking! Who cares about no exercise? Who cares about wasted nights lying on the couch thinking sombrely and sadly of bad choices and relationship disasters. Over and Over and Over again. WHO CARES???

Don’t worry. I’ve not taken a single sip.

The approach I am taking is similar to the ‘one day at a time’ of AA.

I am taking one choice at a time on my

  • feelings
  • hungers
  • regrets
  • thoughts

And all of the above have been heavily swirling around. It has been hard, but I’ve instead dealt with each individual choice as it comes up – be it putting down the fork vs putting food in the mouth, or crying tears or instead choosing to move on from (and through) sad thoughts.

All of the moments over the last couple of days have required resistance to drowning them in a big glass of Cab Sav. I’ve walked up and down wine aisles at stores during shopping – and have been tempted. But the siren call of four months sober keeps me going 🙂

This food thing

These cravings for sweets, savouries, junk and too much food. Eating and my weight. It’s a lifetime thing for me. And now I’ve been trying to break the riddle of it for good. I told you before I’m reading “Women Food and God” by Geneen Roth – which is helping to understand why I overeat, and what food represents to me.

It’s a short but deep read. If you have food issues – you will want to check out Geneen. She’s very cool.

Photo by Agence Producteurs Locaux Damien Kühn on Unsplash

 

 

2 thoughts on “One choice at a time

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