I can never, ever drink again. Sigh.

Day 72.

I will not lie to you. The thought of never, ever having a drink again sometimes overwhelms me with sadness and feelings of loss.

Not every minute of the day — sometimes a few days pass. But it pops up a lot.

Why do I feel this?

Maybe my life will not be fun. What, never lifting and clinking glasses again?!?!? Never sinking into my sofa with a glass of wine and turning on some music – or perhaps just ruminating? A romantic evening without wine? Having an evening out without a glass (or bottle) of wine again? Gasp! I feel deprived.

Which looks ridiculous when I write it down here. Deprived just because I can’t have a glass of wine?!?! Silly, weak me!

I have the EasyQuit drink app installed on my phone; sometimes the number of days I am wine-free crawls forward; other times I’ll be surprised to days tick over so quickly.

This morning it was a surprise – I look and it says 72 days and 3 hours.  72! I made it without drink. And that’s after a fairly challenging visit back home.

I am closing in on three months. Which apparently in the world of sobriety is a significant number. I’ll celebrate in a separate post on Day 90.

I am concentrating these days on getting through cravings.

It’s the small things that make me miss a drink – and crave one. A short list includes;

  • Listening to music
  • Having dinner in a restaurant
  • Sitting at the airport or in a plane
  • Regret
  • Melancholy
  • A long day at work
  • A bad day at work
  • A superb day at work
  • The need to stuff down feelings
  • Not happy
  • Very happy
  • Sitting around with friends
  • Sitting around with family
  • Sitting out on the patio at sunset

How to get past this craving part?

Everything I’ve read confirms there is a 20-minute window to get past a craving. If you can distract yourself past that magic 20-minute window of doom – you are flying. You are past craving, and into the safe zone of enjoying the moment as a sober person.

Also, think in increments of hours and days – not forever.

The best advice I’ve read is to stop thinking NEVER AGAIN. Instead, think right now –  right this minute, I am not going to have a drink.

 

Photo by Marion Michele on Unsplash

2 thoughts on “I can never, ever drink again. Sigh.

  1. Respect. I quit drinking three months ago.

    It takes a lot of trying to finally quit, it’s even harder than quitting cigarettes for sure because alcohol as a past-time is engrained in our culture. Alcohol = Fun, so if you’re not drinking, everyone thinks you’re not having fun.

    It takes a lot of courage to quit because it’s going to feel like the whole world is against you. People will be constantly asking you if you want to drink, not because they want you to fail, but because they don’t understand why you would quit.

    I think the biggest problem people have with it is: they worry that they won’t be able to have a social life. The truth is, you can still go out and do all the usual things, you just have to drink something else. If your friends are mean to you about it, it’s time to get new friends.

    Like

  2. It means so much to me to have you leave a comment! Thank you! You have really ticked off everything that is important to remember about why you are not drinking – and understanding that others will not understand it. Especially those lucky ones who can have ‘just one’ without any problem at all. THANK YOU!

    Like

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