Back in the saddle … again

Days 45.

I’m back
I’m back in the saddle again
I’m back
I’m back in the saddle again

Aerosmith

After a year of recovery from a long term and difficult relationship, I am ready. Not perfectly ready, but ready to get back in the dating saddle and put myself out there to date.

No lying here… I did feel sorry for myself a few times researching the right dating sites; and when signing up and organizing my profile. I mean I am way beyond the Tinder age group – and in the arena of ‘senior dating’. Ugh. I don’t feel that age. Most of the men look so darn old – decrepit even. What does that say about me?!?!?! I like to think not me. WHY do I have to do this again? Not again! I’m too old for this (no you’re not!).  Maybe I’m better off alone (no you’re not! I have experienced the pain of feeling more alone in a relationship than actually being physically alone. And numbing it with wine.).

I feel like I’m in high school again. Instead of Dating 101 it’s Dating 1001. And believe me it doesn’t get any easier!

This will be the first time EVER in my whole life of relationships — beyond high school –where I will be sober during the entire process of dating. From initial contact, conversations, agreeing to meet, first nerve-wracking meeting, and the bobbing and weaving of dating. And the whole ‘will he call’. And then if it turns into a relationship – navigating the whole ‘relationship’ thing sober. Yikes!

I will be honest with you; my thoughts dwelled on this dating desert of absolutely no glasses of wine. Never again. Not at any time. And I felt sad. That initial warm glow. But now, this time, I will be sober and making sober decisions. Which means thinking about boundaries and my needs first! Wow!!!

I was watching a documentary about traveling through Sicily and sampling the absolutely gorgeous vegan fare and restaurants. And I thought about traveling with someone, and never having a glass of wine – the whole trip through Italy! Italy!  Then I remembered that the Italians do not have a drinking culture. And no one will blink an eye at non-drinkers. It will not make the scenery any less spectacular. It will not make the food any less delicious!

So I have connected with someone, had long phone calls, and then met for coffee. We really got on! I’ve agreed to a second date. I felt a flurry of excitement, optimism and joy. Mixed in with nervousness.

So begins a first-ever experience for me. Sober Dating.

Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

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