It hits me a couple times a day that I’d love a glass of red wine just about now. Or there is a feeling of being deprived for, like, the rest of my life.
Some high school friends and I are going on a vacation together later in the year. And my first thought was – Oh No! I can’t have a drink! It won’t be any fun!
A team building outing happening next week at work – Oh No! I can’t have a drink and relax!
It seems a ‘long, long time is forever’ – to paraphrase the absolutely fabulous Marty Stuart and the Superlatives.
And I feel a tinge of remorse, regret for choosing sobriety. And that is the truth.
Alcoholics Anonymous has a phrase “One day at a time” ..
In my search to spark my thinking around this concept, I came across a lovely blog post: The meaning of “One Day At A Time”
Author Brian taps into exactly what I was doing when I was drinking “I spent countless hours daydreaming about what I wanted to do, own, or accomplish “someday” rather than taking daily action to turn my dreams into reality. Granted, this was more productive than rehearsing the doubt and defeat of my past… but it also was a waste of time.”
Isn’t that beautiful? I really understood what he meant. My time drinking was keeping me from taking action, using my time wisely. 5pm onwards was — for years — a wasteland.
So about this one day at a time. Rather than looking across the expanse of whatever precious time I have on this earth and thinking – I’ll never have a drink again, I need to reel back into This Day, This Moment.
And about this idea of no fun because I am not drinking. We’ll see. I’ll blog about it – but everything I’ve been reading from others makes me know that it will be just fine. I’ll have fun. One blogger mentioned she used to fear saying anything, or having an opinion when she was drinking at events. In case she slurred her words, repeated herself – or forgot the next day what she had said. I understand that feeling. I relate. I know that I had put myself in a situation where instead of speaking up – I simply pushed it deep down into myself with the booze.
No way to live. No way at all!
Marty Stuart – This One’s Gonna Hurt You (For A Long, Long Time) … Now that’s country!